Oh hey guys, brb just going to Diablo’s for some coffee (just a lil’ U of T inside joke there).
We had the wedding at the University of Toronto because Geoff & I both have two degrees each from there, I work there, and it has been a huge part of our lives for so many years. Besides, it is a beautiful place.
Cat locket! Coriander Girl flowers, including a type of dahlia called café au lait that Alison said is me in flower form! A beautiful glitter banner that Caitlin sent as a gift, because she is the sweetest friend! Our beautiful cake made by Nikole (so delicious, with peach on the inside)!
I’m just going to get real / get real vulnerable here for a second. I don’t want to spoil these lovely photos with dark thoughts, but I feel compelled to mention that while I was determined to be so chill & relaxed, during the planning, I was freaking out on the inside, and compulsively making tulle puffs. I felt badly about the restaurant where we had the reception. It isn’t beautiful, it isn’t a photogenic barn or grand ballroom (or whatever), it isn’t a historical room with beautiful details (I longed for a wedding at Hart House’s Great Hall every time I wasn’t daydreaming about having a teeny-tiny wedding). The ability to have a dinner and an open bar for a reasonable cost on the date we wanted and in a location close to where a lot of our friends live won. I didn’t want to incur extra expenses by renting additional items, though; I couldn’t care about chairs, or place settings, or fancy candelabras ($200 at Ikea buys boxes full of simple glass candle holders and candles, and all the ones I bought ended up lost anyhow). We had hilariously old-school chair coverings provided by the restaurant (what’s up, organza ribbon bows!) and I wasn’t allowed to put anything on the walls. I didn’t have a stylist, a wedding planner, a photo booth, or a limitless flower budget, no matter how much I wished for a room dripping with flowers. We don’t even have a honeymoon planned. We tried to keep it as simple as possible considering the size and I tried not to compare our wedding to Pinterest-ready ones (or at least ones that appear to be Pinterest-ready! Illusions! Some of them are literally photoshoots with models, after all). There were parts of planning that I definitely loved, but I hated what other parts did to me. I hated that I wasted hours of my life worrying about unimportant things. So much emphasis on the wedding, and on appearances, not emphasis enough on the marriage, on why we were doing this in the first place.
I tried not to talk about wedding planning too much, because if anyone (very sweetly) said she was looking forward to seeing the pictures, I felt anxious. I worried that the things in the pictures wouldn’t be pretty enough for public viewing: the details, the venue, and, saddest of all, that I wouldn’t be pretty enough. I would look at wedding blogs and magazines and feel an actual physical pain in my chest. By the Thursday before the wedding, I was sobbing and refusing to let my friends come over to talk about last-minute details. But they did come over, and they brought sparkling wine, and they reminded me about what mattered. There are a thousand ways to have a wedding, and all of them are wonderful in their way. And ultimately, the joy in the photos was totally real, our guests’ happiness left me floating for days.